1980s--
- I remember being at either St. Mary's or Ardmore Day Care... I had to be 4 or 5 years old... I was behind the couch with another kid and we kissed... Lol... Here I am, this cute little chocolate girl with ponytails and a matching Osh Gosh outfit--sneaking behind the couch to kiss some adorable curly haired boy... I remember feeling like I was doing something wrong, even though it was just a little kiss...
- There were times when one of my neighbors used to watch me after school... Well, her oldest son and I used to play house and doctor... I am not sure what or where we even got these ideas from or where we learned it for that matter... but we always would touch each other or grind on one another... Again... we were always sneaking while doing it, because we knew if we got caught, that we would have been in trouble... Imagine that...
- When I was around 8 years old--I would spend a lot of time in the city at my little sisters house... I remember a lot of touchy feely stuff going on with my friends down there... Playing house, playing catch a girl--get a girl, dancing at dollar parties... Always careful and not wanting any of the adults to find out...
Middle School: Sure I started to like boys long before I got to Welsh Valley... but this is when I was able to start doing things on my own... This was the beginning of real school dances, Bar Mitzvahs/Bat Mitzvahs, boyfriends, girlfriends, and first dates...
- I remember the first time Ted and I kissed... It was in the 7th grade stairwell--in the fall... It was right before my field hockey game... Damn that was one of the best first kisses I have ever had! He looked so cute with his light brown skin, curly thick and crazy Afro, and hazel eyes, riped jeans, and flannel shirt... and there I was with my pleated kilt, with green biker shorts underneath, and green field hockey shirt on... lol... I can't believe I remembered that... Throughout middle school--we would sneak off to the stairwells or behind buildings to kiss... Ted had the most amazing lips... and I loved kissing him... On our first date real date we were 13 years old and both of our moms dropped us off at the Ardmore Movie Theater and picked us up when it was over... we went to see "Only You"--with Robert Downey, Jr. and Marrissa Tomae... The funny thing, is that we really didn't even watch the movie, because we spent the whole time hooking up... I used to dream and think about him... He had the fullest, most perfect juicy pink lips... Damn... The two of us played this game on and off throughout middle and high school...
- Then there was Justin... I could never explain to any1ne how much he disappointed me... If I knew then, what I know now... things between me and him would have gone a lot differently... Justin and I got together at some point when we were in 7th grade... I'll never forget him as long as I live... Of course at the time I was a virgin, and there wasn't much I was willing to do other then a little kissing and touching... He used to beg me for so much more than I was comfortable doing... He knew there was no way I would have had actual sex with him... So he used to bug the hell out of me about oral sex... Here is the kicker... He did not just want me to give him head... He wanted to go down on me too... Of course I was like hell no for months... but eventually his begging got to me... I agreed to give him head... but I refused to let him go down on me... What the hell was I thinking?! I was under the impression, that him pleasing me orally was gross and wrong... still I agreed to get down on my knees and suck his dick--even though I didn't want to... I really believed it was disgusting and wrong... When all of this went down, my stupid ass gave him head in the girl's locker room after school... Eventually the rumor got out and we were called to the principle and suspended, because he broke down like a baby and cracked under pressure... Of course, this was fine for him... We were in a lot of trouble and my mom, aunt, and older cousins got in my ass about the situation... They made me feel like the biggest hoe on earth, because of that experience with him... I felt so badly about myself and what I had done... After that--I truly believed oral sex was wrong...
- Eric was different... the first time I looked at him, I knew he had to be mine... Everything about him was fine... Too bad he was 19 years old, when I was 13 years old... Lying about my age... pretending to be 16, and thinking I was grown... What the hell was I thinking... I guess I wasn't... There he was--this fine Italian guy, with blue eyes... His walk, talk, and dress--was too fly... Eric and I met in Atlantic City... while my best friend at the time Michelle and I were there with her grandmother... We were walking on the board walk--in the dead of winter... When I heard these guys rapping... I looked out of the store and saw three guys playing around... It was a wrap when he and I caught each other's eyes... As they walked past, he stopped and turned around to talk to me... He wanted me to come to him... and I told him to meet me half way... lol... We spent the whole night with each other... Laughing, playing, talking, and kissing... Kissing him was nice... it made me tingle... I wanted him... I'm not sure how I wanted him... but i did... When I thought of him... I thought about the possibility of him being my first... but I knew it was wrong because of our ages... He was the first guy I loved.
- I really enjoyed my time in Atlantic City... Labor Day weekend 95', KP and I were walking along the Steel Pier when we met Hector and Luis... I was wearing a fly red and black champion jersey outfit, with a midriff underneath... Hector was a fine ass Puerto Rican--with an accent that made me weak! I loved it when he spoke Spanish to me... We spent a night acting a fool with our friends and really making out on the beach... Kissing, hugging, and rubbing--while watching the waves crash... He made me want to do some things, that I knew I wasn't ready for...
- Throughout high school there were different boys and different experiences (Kyle, Wesley, Tyree, Jordan, Arty, Kevin, Mike, Da'ood, Terry, Kareem, Dave, Alain, etc...). No matter what I did with them, I always felt blocked... Like I couldn't do certain things with them, because it in the back of my mind I kept hearing--"Good girls don't do that"...
- When I began dealing with Lenny--I was about 16... You couldn't tell me I didn't love his ass... In so many ways, my relationship with him was just wrong... He always tried to pressure me into having sex with him... Maybe I was wrong for allowing him to go down on me whenever we were together, but I just wasn't ready for a sexual relationship... Maybe I knew if I did have sex with him, that I would regret it... but I just couldn't... Every time I entertained the idea of loosing my virginity to him--I felt as if it was wrong... Something was always telling me "NO!"
- Nate, Brian, Derrick, and Kenny...I don't thing words could ever really express what I felt for each of them, while we were together... Back and forth... from one to other for over a decade... I'm just glad I was able to find three of the best friends a person could ask for...
- Payton was my the one I lost my virginity to... At the time, he made me feel special and safe... Even though I was scared... He made me feel completely comfortable... For that, I will always appreciate him...
- Mike and Joe my summer experiences... lol...
- Jules... my 1ne night stand...having sex with him made me feel badly for several reasons... Obviously because I didn't know him from a can of paint and because he was a rapper... Had I known who he was from the beginning, it would have never gone down like that... After that experience I really felt kind of cheap and easy...
College: It's no secret going to Slippery Rock University opened a whole new door to me...
2000's--
- Gary I started dealing with because I was six hours away from home, and there was no1ne to tell me I couldn't... I didn't even truly feel badly about him having a girlfriend, because I still had my own things going on at home and on campus... But he is the reason why I got on the pill...
- Brandon... God how I loved him!!!! The funny thing, was that he wasn't even my type... he was maybe 5'6, thin--an average looking guy... I did so many things wrong, because I was young and dumb... selfish and spoiled... But I would have married him one day... which is why I said yes. If sex had been off the hook, I might not have cheated...
- Morgan we were friends since high school. There are so many reasons why I felt like dealing with her was wrong! To begin, it was because I had cheated on Brandon... and because she was a girl--and I couldn't handle the fact that this girl was giving me great head... That's why the Me'Shell Ndegeocello's song--Berry Farms reminds me of everything we did... Her words were: "She couldn't love me without shame, she only wanted me for one thang... but you could teach your boy to do that..."
- Kendall we met in Harrah's Casino in New Orleans, Louisiana... He couldn't take his eyes off of me... lol... Kendall is trouble, because when I have sex with him--I don't think about where I am or who's around... We just did things to each other that were... incredible...
- Kenny was a long time coming, because he waited years for me... It was fun, hot, and uninhibited... I was never uncomfortable when I was with him... He always made me feel safe, secure, and sexy... all of the time... regardless of whether or not I was a thick madame or smaller--thick and petite... I miss my friend!
- Itasha is the 1ne I will always love and want... In so many ways, she was my first... The story of us, is something I could never fully explain... we did so many things together... In the beginning-- sex was great... it was new... it was different... it was intense... This was the first time I ever experienced something with another female... When I looked at her, I saw what I wanted and needed... We had crazy energy! Everything about her, I found sexy... Her swagger was magnetic... She is hella smart, attractive, and sweet... Which is how she got me... I would have done anything in the world for her, with, her, and to her... I used to love the way she touched and LICKED me... Love Letters, The Black Lilly, Jus Words, and The Best Lesbian Erotica... led us to a place no1ne can ever touch... The first time we kissed was amazing... the first time she put her head in between my legs was even better! I remember one of the most intense sexual experience we had, was when we first moved to South Philly... and she told me that she loved me... Damn that was great sex! But we allowed petty things get in the way... Which effected me wanting her or wanting to experience different things with her... even though I wanted to... It's funny, because she is the only person I have ever been with, who made me feel unattractive... but I still stayed and still want to reach another level with her sexually... I guess it's just a matter of how...
- Vu and I met in a club called Dreamz... There he was this Asian guy, with a certain swagger... He offered me intellectual conversation over coffee or lunch... lol... I got a lot more than that... Vu was special. We didn't really have sex... but that didn't effect the bond we shared... Hmph... I never thought he was going to end up in prison... Damn, I miss the times that we never had!
- Jamill was so bad for me... His presence is crazy... 6'3, Sunni bread, attractive, light skin, kind-of rugged, yet clean... Damn it... it was so hard to say no to him... That was the problem... Sex was good... he wasn't good enough... But the things he used to do to me were...
- Dennis was what I needed at the time we met... He made me let my guard down a little, by allowing him to step into my comfort zone... I can't even front on his ass, even though I want to... I can never or will never complain about sex with him, because we did anything and everything... We were so free sexually together... He opened me open to being uninhibited again... It's interesting the things people can get you to do... Maybe that's why I kept him around for so long...
- Marty was fun... He definitely pushed me into some things, I did and didn't want to do because I was shy... But of course, he wasn't having that... My favorite sexual moment with him, was when we were in Atlantic City... We had such a good time... The club was amazing... drinking, dancing, daring... the parking lot... the car... and the hotel... We really just had a great time... Sex in general with Marty was always fun and needed... we had a ball!
- Akil had been trying to get me the way he wanted me for over three years... His whole thing, was that he didn't want me to regret him... and I didn't... How sweet was that?! He gets me when I'm off guard... Caught up or drunk... lol... Either way, he was always sweet.
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